Bleak Devotion Read online

  “Jess,” he said as he pulled her close. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

  “But you didn't. I'm right here.”

  “If I had though… I can't live without you. The moment I met you something inside me just clicked.” His hands trembled on her shoulders. “I feel so much.”

  The words whirled through her mind, her own thoughts jumping and dancing in response. She struggled to find a way to express her feelings without making his control harder. Nothing was possible. It was why she wanted to write them down.

  “Something clicked with me, too,” she said. “The fact that I should be running as fast and as far away from you as I could.”

  His lips tugged upward. “Good thing you didn't. The disappointment of such a beautiful woman fleeing might have made me morph, and then where would be?”

  “That's not funny to even joke about.” Still, she couldn't help but laugh-.

  Her laughter died as his face went back to its neutral expression. “You're right. I'm sorry.”

  “Nonsense. If we can't laugh about it, what can we do?”

  His chest rose with a deep inhale. When she did the same, the familiar woodsy scent of him filled her. He scooted closer, his breath warm on her lips. Her own breath swept from her. Soon they'd be parted. They always were. But for now, it was so good. Her heart drummed against her rib cage. She longed to reach up and press her lips against his. They were so close. If it wasn't for who he was, she would.

  She reached up to brush his arm to make some sort of contact, but he grabbed her hand, stopping her. He put her arms firmly down at her sides. Even after his touch left, she didn't move, despite the overwhelming urge to. His own arms moved to his side, trembling violently. White fists appeared at the end of his arms. Any second he'd run off.

  But he didn't. Not yet. Instead, keeping his eyes on her, he slowly leaned even closer. Anticipation leapt in Jessica. This wasn't running.

  Her breaths came in quick short gasps. His lips hovered over hers momentarily as he gazed into her eyes. It ached to be so close, to see the intensity she felt mirrored in his eyes. His body shook violently and for a moment she thought he was going to pull away. Despite being inevitable, a deep throb clenched through her chest.

  Blade took a deep breath, his words shaky but clear. “I love you.”

  There wasn't time to think on what he said, other than to enjoy the surge of joy. Instantly, the distance between their lips vanished. He pressed his lips against hers with a deep intensity. The kiss was hard, new and unsure, but after a moment turned soft. Soft and perfect.

  She closed her eyes and marveled at the way his lips melded with hers. An electric warmth stirred in her chest and tingled through her entire body. The waiting, and aching, and yearning was worth every second. Here and now, this was perfect. This is what she wanted. What he wanted. It was finally happening.

  She reached up and stroked his cheek with a single finger. A horrid metallic ringing flooded her ears. A white-hot searing pain ripped across her stomach. With a gasp, she opened her eyes to see Blade's fleeing form, metal jutting out of his arms, glinting crimson in the sunlight.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Agony rent Jessica. The torment centered on her midsection, radiating out to fill her entire body. Her vision darkened. When it lit back up, everything was blurry. Shapes hovered over her as her sight continued drifting through the blackness. Their voices sounded muffled and slurred. She couldn't tell who was speaking.

  “Hold this against her wounds.”

  “I got it.”

  “It's not too deep. Do you think she will be okay?”

  There was a pause. Jessica struggled to make her mind work past the pain to understand what they were talking about. Thoughts were so fuzzy. She couldn't seem to get the information to process correctly no matter how hard she tried. It was like she was trying to walk through a swimming pool of pudding while her insides were being torn from her.

  “Doubtful.”

  An angry growl reverberated through the room. “I'll kill him.”

  There was a shuffle of movement and the pain grew.

  “Why does she keep saying his name?” a voice hissed.

  The torture intensified, wracking her body with millions of hot pokers intent only on destroying. She screamed, trying to find a place to escape. There was nowhere to go. No release. The pain roasted and charred her body.

  “I think you should go.”

  “I won't leave her.”

  “She doesn't even know you're here.”

  “But I can help.”

  “This will kill her. There's no escaping whatever comes with these wounds. Leave.”

  She thought of Blade. She concentrated on him. Then she started to float. Further and further. Her mind detached from the pain. She knew it was there and that it was slashing her apart, but it didn't matter anymore. All she wanted to do was something…

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Time meant nothing as Jessica drifted in and out of the darkness. The searing pokers jabbed harder and harder inside her. Sometimes she found relief in Blade's image or the darkness, but too often she was pulled back in by the baking agony shredding through her. When it first started she thought it was the worst thing she had ever felt. That first pain was now insignificant.

  The boiling heat festered. Her abdomen hurt the worst. It felt like someone sliced her open and poured acid on the wounds then struck her with a lightning bolt. From there the pain shot out, leaving nothing free from torment. Bile filled her throat and she gagged on it. Something cool dabbed against her forehead and cheeks, but all too soon the coolness would give way to the heat of her body.

  “She's still saying his name?”

  “Get out! There's enough problems here without you carrying on like that.”

  Jessica's head split apart as she tried to make sense of the words. The voices sounded so familiar, but she couldn't place them. The pain overlay the part of her mind that understood anything. The burning hot fire pokers jabbed farther inside. She withered against their staggering force, feeling her willpower being sucked from her.

  Death was welcome. She wished it would come embrace her with swift arms. It hovered close by, waiting for the right moment. Yet, something held her back from giving in completely to its summons. If only she could remember what that was. Another jolt of agony tore through her body. A jagged blade jamming its way through each pore.

  A sound came from farther away. Something about it was important. She struggled to claim the words. To make sense of them. The deep voice resonated through her. For the first time since the horror had started, she recognized who was speaking. Blade.

  “She can help.”

  “I won't let any more of you touch her!” an unrecognizable male screamed.

  Another voice she couldn't place said, “Shut up, Zach! How can she help?”

  “She can counteract the poison. Let her, I beg of you! The longer we wait, the less likely Jess is to survive.” Jessica clung to the comfort of Blade's voice. Death would be easier to bear if he was near. She screeched at the pain to leave her be and let death take hold. The hot knives diced deeper through her.

  “Why should we trust you? You're the one that did this to her in the first place!”

  “I told you to shut up, Zach!”

  Jessica's heart throbbed at the sorrow in Blade's voice. “I didn't mean to hurt her. I'll never come near her again after this. I just want to save her.”

  The thought of Blade never coming around her again sent a fresh wave of despair through her. Her mind shrieked in agony. He couldn't leave her. Not while she needed him around so desperately to help ease her through death. The world around her was quiet. She longed to hear his voice, she needed it to comfort her. Her body trembled against the terror unleashed upon it. A scream broke the silence until she retched.

  Blade moaned and then spoke with mad fury. “Just listen to her, she is dying! You have to let us help!”

  “This fe
male seems afraid. Will she really do it?”

  “I'll make her if she refuses,” Blade spat out.

  “Do it then. Quickly!”

  Jessica swam through the pain, trying to find a way out of it. To find her way to him. To touch him before the end came. She knew he was close. His touch would ease her pain. If only she could find it. She groped about wildly, struggling to find it against the cascade of terror unleashed upon her. Her grasp came up empty of comfort except for the fiery knives. Fighting to open her eyes, she failed.

  “How long has she been saying my name?”

  “Off and on since it happened.”

  Blade spoke again, but she couldn't understand what he was saying. She didn't care. As long as he was there she could deal with anything. If only he'd wrap his arms around her and hold her until she left. The pain heightened and her body flailed against it.

  Something cool touched her abdomen and the torture eased a bit. The cooling spread, battling the fire pokers and acid as it went. She hadn't expected death to come like that. Why didn't it ease all her pain at once and take her from this broken world? She struggled to open her eyes again. This time, they responded with a heavy fluttering. Her eyes took in several blurry shapes. She concentrated on the one she knew had to be Blade.

  “Her eyes are open!”

  “It must be working.” Blade's voice soothed her more, and the pain slipped further away.

  “She wants you. Go to her.”

  “I can't.”

  “You will!”

  The hot torture increased again and Jessica struggled to breathe against it. Death was cruel. It refused to take her in a quick scoop, instead taunting her with bits of relief. Why wouldn't it release her? Something brushed against her hand.

  “Jess, can you open your eyes again?” Blade's voice was close to her ear. “You need to fight this. Come on, open your eyes again and look at me.”

  She wanted to obey him. He was making her death as comfortable as it could be with all this pain, she would give him whatever he asked. She fought her broken eyelids until they staggered open. Blade's tortured eyes stared back at her.

  She listened as he muttered something unintelligible. A female voice muttered back in the same unintelligible words. The coolness intensified, spreading across her abdomen, and the pain continued receding. Jessica grew more lucid with every passing minute. Lucid but exhausted. Death was being kinder than she expected. One pain-free moment to be with him. Realizing she was repeating Blade's name over and over again, she controlled the words.

  “Don't leave me, Blade.”

  The muttering around the room she hadn't realized was there went silent. Blade shifted in his chair.

  “She’s talking more!” Zach shouted from somewhere in the room.

  Jessica ignored him and everyone else except Blade. His eyes no longer met her gaze. Panic rose in her chest, threatening to overwhelm her. “Please don't leave me, Blade.”

  His gaze rose to meet hers. The multitude of emotions she saw there frightened her. His hand squeezed tighter. “I'm here.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. The pain quieted to a stinging ache. She tried to roll onto her side so she could be closer to him, but her weak body failed to respond.

  “What do you need, Jess?”

  Jessica struggled to speak. “You.”

  Blade shifted again and looked behind him. She didn't bother to see what he was looking at; her only thoughts were of him. When he looked back, his eyes shone with resolve. Still holding her hand, he stood up, scooted his chair as close to her as it would go, and sat back down. He said a few more words that she couldn't understand. The female voice replied with a snipped answer.

  He reached up to Jessica's face and ran his fingers along her forehead, jaw, and nose. His touch was a cool breath of fresh air against the acid that had tormented her. Death was being kind indeed. She fought to keep her eyes open so she could see him until the moment came. Blade leaned close, his breath warm on her ear and cheek.

  “Sleep.”

  Jessica turned her head so her cheek rested against his and let death consume her.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Jessica woke sore and achy. It didn't feel like she could get up and walk, but the searing pain was gone. She racked her brain trying to remember how she got there, to find what had happened to create so much pain, but nothing came. All she could remember was the torture. What had she done to bring that upon herself? Whatever it was, death had come to claim her. Why then was she still here?

  Opening her eyes, her heart fluttered. Blade was not two feet from her, sound asleep in a chair. His strong body draped across it in an awkward, gangly position. She wanted to move him into a more comfortable position, but he looked so exhausted and vulnerable that she didn't dare touch him. Not that she'd be able to move him anyway.

  Their hands were linked. She rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand, enjoying the warmth of the connection. The small touch of skin on skin. While watching him breathe, she searched for what had brought her here. She remembered the aliens coming, almost being captured by them because of her own stupidity. But he saved her. How grateful she had been when he rescued her. There had been a meeting and then he had pulled her aside afterward.

  And oh! He loved her! His lips had been so close to her, warm and inviting when he whispered the words.

  The kiss came to mind. A passionate rush of emotions overwhelmed her. The memory of their lips meeting was fresh and perfect. Her finger traced over her lips, wanting to savor the memory, until she got to the end of the kiss, memorizing every second. Until she remember her hand brushing against his cheek, causing the horrid metallic noise.

  Acid curdled her stomach. She had brought pain to them both. It was her fault. She squeezed her eyes tight shut. He must hate her for not listening and touching him. She had made him do the very horrid thing he'd been avoiding for so long. There was no way to fix this.

  She looked at him, so peaceful in sleep. Always so peaceful on the outside. But he would be raging on the inside. Tears sprang to her eyes. Before they could spill out, she blinked them dry. She would never again do anything to hurt him. Glancing at their joined hands, she carefully forced her hand open and pulled away. Her fingers stung, but she refused to acknowledge it. He didn't even stir, just continued to look as peaceful as ever.

  Focusing on the room around her, she realized it was the one she shared with Julie. She didn't know when she had come here. Someone must have carried her. Her exploration stopped on a woman she didn't recognize. When had they picked up a newcomer?

  The unfamiliar woman in a giant, dirty sweater and baggy pants stared back. Her dark eyes guarded, a mix of curiosity, apprehension, and something else Jessica couldn't define. Was this what she was like when she first arrived? Though this newcomer was pudgy, something Jessica certainly had not been. At least someone could find a good source of nourishment in this crazed world.

  Jessica croaked, “Hi.”

  The woman backed up against the wall. Her eyes flickered to Blade and back to Jessica.

  “Don't worry, I won't bite. How long have you been here?”

  The woman shook her head back and forth. Quick words poured out of her mouth. The words sounded familiar, but Jessica didn't know what any of them meant. Too slithery and clicky-sounding to be any real words.

  Comprehension spread a chill over her. Last time someone spoke like that, she had been confined in a tiny cupboard. The chill grew, leaving her frozen to her core as she stared at the woman who wasn't a woman at all. Why had Blade brought another of his kind here? Even if she wasn't one of the more deadly males, she was still dangerous to them. They were all dangerous.

  Realizing her nails were in her mouth, she whipped them away. Staring at them, she knew it was time to finally break the habit. And she would do it. Nothing could stay that would give away emotion. Too much had been lost and so much had been gained, she wouldn't risk anything else.

  The chair creaked
to the side of her. She glanced up to see Blade watching her with his brows drawn together. Shoving her guilty nails under her blanket, she stared back at him, keeping her expression carefully neutral.

  Blade's eyes darted everywhere but to Jessica. She inwardly cringed and wondered where would be best to start. Definitely not the kiss. Even more definitely not what came after the kiss.

  “Why did you bring her?” So maybe not the best place for her to start, but at least it'd bring some answers.

  Blade finally met her gaze. The female spoke, her words flat, unlike when Blade was sleeping. He replied to her, but more animatedly. Finally he said, “She says you need to rest.”

  Jessica rolled her eyes. “I'm fine. Don't avoid the question. Why is she here?”

  His voice was so quiet, she had to strain to hear what he was saying. “I brought her here to save you after I almost killed you.”

  How could an alien have saved her? Faint memories of when she had been in pain, Blade speaking to a female who responded to him in his tongue. His confession was more pressing though. They both knew it was her fault and pretending otherwise wouldn't help anything. She pulled out her times tables to recite in her head while she attempted to convince him.

  “Don't blame yourself, Blade. It's my fault. I knew better than to touch you when you were so emotionally charged.”

  His teeth snapped together. “No! Don't you dare blame yourself. This is all my doing.”

  The female gasped, yanking Jessica's attention to her. The female's mouth and eyes were huge, staring straight at Blade. Jessica brushed off the odd reaction, wishing the female would just disappear.

  “It is not. I knew full well what I was getting into. It's amazing you didn't break before then.” Despite the harshness of her words, they sounding pleasingly flat.