Bleak Devotion Read online

  She rested her head against the wall behind her, not caring what was growing on it. Tears stung her eyes. Even hidden alone, they weren't allowed. She brushed them away and worked on numbing herself.

  Between the boxes, she watched the lights from the group of females she had just left swivel around, heading in all different directions. One stayed in place longer than the others, the light tracing across the floor around it. After a minute, the light twisted the opposite direction from where Jessica sat and trailed off.

  She deadened herself to any emotion, knowing it would make Cindy's fate become her own. Survival was so ingrained, it was all she knew to focus on instead. She didn't know how long it had been like this, since the invasion. Each day melded into the next, always the same. Cindy and Jessica had avoided any contact with the monsters, hiding and scavenging for their needs. Until today.

  Fighting to keep her thoughts under control, she sat. Time passed. Some part of her knew this, felt it and tried to push her up and out of the store away from the danger. Still she didn't move, ignoring the urge. She avoided every thought and feeling, staring lifelessly at the dark. After a while, the sight of Cindy's body lying motionless on the floor pushed through her numbness. Her eyes burned and her stomach clenched so hard she thought she would puke.

  She had to get out of here. Away from all the deaths of those she loved. Not just out of the store, but out of the city. Out of the state. Far from any place these monsters could find her. If such a place existed.

  She should have left with Cindy long ago, taking what few supplies they had. Crisp air bit into her from a draft blowing in from outside, reminding her of one reason she hadn't pushed Cindy harder to leave. Still, starvation or death from the elements would have been better than seeing the last person she knew massacred.

  Clamping her jaw together, Jessica stood and strode to the closest aisle. As she passed through it, she shoved a bag of trail mix into her backpack. She continued past the aisle and headed toward the less frequented clothes section with purpose. The stench of rotting things lessened, mingling with a musty scent. She came to the men's clothes. Her light brushed over an area where a few shirts hung on the racks. Knots in her stomach tightened. She rushed forward, hoping the women's section wasn't the same.

  Three bare-chested males looking through the remaining shirts glanced up at her. No blades jutted out of their arms, but she expected them to emerge any moment. She wanted to run, but suppressed the impulse. Her next thought was to smile at them, to try and fake her way past them with innocence. But she didn't, knowing the expression would give her away for what she was. Instead she pulled her gaze away from them and focused on her task, hoping the horrid metallic noise wouldn't manifest.

  Stealing into the women's section, the padding of her feet slowed. The racks were still full and only one female rummaged through the selections. Relief came, though only a bit that was easy to hide. Spending time to find something that looked just right would be pointless now. There was no one left to see it. Why did she even used to care?

  Quick and efficient became her mission. She passed up anything that wouldn't keep her warm in the chillier season. She grabbed two long-sleeved t-shirts, an extra pair of jeans, socks, and underwear. On her way over to the shoe department, she noted a clearance coat rack. Taking hold of her backpack, she grabbed the coat that looked the warmest and put it on. The fake fur framing the collar and cuffs would have turned her off before, but now she didn't care. She welcomed the warmth no matter the style.

  Placing her backpack on again, she headed for the shoe section. Her sneakers squeaked across the laminated aisle and turned to a soft thudding on the carpet. Her light shone over sandals and strappy high heels. She had trouble staying upright on those things in the best of conditions; trying to tramp through the snow with them would be a joke. She kept hunting, searching for something more appropriate. Despair attempted to overtake her when she couldn't find any boots her size on the shelves, but she thrust it away. She turned around to look at the next size up.

  Her index fingernail made its way to her mouth as images of her toes falling off in the coming winter flashed through her mind when that section came up empty, too. Yanking her hand out of her mouth, she chided herself for the action. It was the one habit that she couldn't get rid of. Most of her emotions had been conquered months ago. At first she recited times tables to keep herself void of feeling. Anything math-related made her brain have to work in overdrive, making time tables ideal. After a while being emotionless had become second nature.

  Crossing over to the next aisle, she prayed she would find something. Impractical stilettos met her eye. Why did it have to be spring when the invasion took place? A group of lights passed her and she worked to keep the frustration from showing on her face. As they passed, her light caught on a pair of black boots fringed with a gaggle of hot pink feathers. Jessica wrinkled her nose, but reached out for them.

  She sat down and replaced her comfy sneakers with an extra pair of socks and the boots. Pulling the laces of her old shoes through a loop on her backpack, she tied them together and stood up. With the extra thickness from the socks, her foot didn't slide around as she had feared it would. They weren't the best, but at least her feet would be warm.

  Glancing over the aisles as she walked past, she headed toward the sunlight pouring in the front doors. She wondered what else she could use. There would be no returning to this or any store in the future, and she wanted to make sure she'd have enough to get by. Passing an aisle with no clutter of dirty foot prints, she glanced down it. Dust covered the gardening supplies in the forgotten section.

  Jessica said a silent thank you for the aisle being on her way out. She would be able to use this stuff if she could manage to make it on her own. If she could get something to grow. She had never had much luck in the past when helping at home, but hopefully the greater need would offset that problem. She raced to the end cap and shoved packets of seeds into her backpack, not caring what they contained. Not much else would fit in her bloated bag. Wishing she could take more, she shoved a spade in a coat pocket and crossed her fingers hoping none of the monsters found it odd.

  She zipped her backpack as far as it would go and put her arms through both straps. The bag was heavy, but the weight comforted her. It reminded her of the days in school when she carried thick textbooks and notebooks with her everywhere. Seeing a dark refrigerator, she stopped and opened it up. She passed by all the sodas, choosing instead to pull out the last bottle of lukewarm water. With the bottle in hand, she continued toward the door.

  The automatic doors remained closed now that the power plants weren't running. The manual doors next to them opened and closed as the monsters passed through them, sending brisk blasts of air into the unheated building. She forced herself into the crowd.

  Her movements became automatic and stiff. A female, who looked as if she could have been one of her friends if not for the void of emotion on her face, opened the door. Jessica braced herself against the shock of cold air. It bit at her nose and cheeks, but the coat and boots helped to keep the rest of her warm.

  Fear gnawed at her stomach. Outside, the sun was starting to set. She thought every footstep might be her last, but no one turned on her. Males and females scattered in different directions, each heading their own way. One of the males brushed against her arm as he hurried past. It took all her willpower to keep her face from giving way to the rage and horror screaming inside her. Even through the coat she wanted to scrub her arm clean.

  Without thinking, she looked at the back of his arm as he walked away. Three metal rectangles blemished the back of his lower arm. A fourth was half-covered on his upper arm by his sleeve. An image of him suddenly turning on her sprang to mind, the sickening clang of the rectangles shifting into blades reverberated in her ears. His wild fury directed at her; blades curving closer to her. She took quick, frantic gasps.

  She dropped her eyes to the ground and rushed forward. Slow, deep breath
s filled her, helping rid her of the morbid thought. Under her feet, black asphalt turned to cement littered with red, yellow, and brown leaves. They crunched and rustled with each step. She kept onward, forcing one foot in front of the other. Moving instead of thinking.

  For a time it worked, step after step. Then the sidewalk gave way to grass. Somehow she'd wound her way to her parent's house. Generally, she avoided it whenever possible, but some part of her must have known to come here. Hoping nothing had taken it over since she had last been there, she stopped the mindless wandering.

  As she stared up, the attic window caught her eye. The window of horror. A rush of memories from when she had been in the window looking down assaulted her. The front yard burst with laughter then, her parents and little brother playing together until they had been slashed apart. Red obscured her vision.

  A strangled cry pulled her back to the present. In case one of those monsters was around she had to keep herself together. She pushed aside the bad memories and let the feelings of love from her childhood home envelop her, little though it did to comfort old grief and new wounds. With a panicked glance around, she searched for a monster to come barreling at her. Nothing happened. She couldn't see anyone. With a sigh of relief, she stepped forward. On her way to the front door she chastised herself for losing control.

  She knew what she had to do. At first, very few cars had been on the road. More littered the streets as of late. Her own, usually parked out front, had already been stolen, but her parents' car still sat in the garage. Or at least it had last time she checked. She depended on it still being there, though she didn't know how much gas it had left in its tank. She'd grab the extra gas can her dad kept filled for the lawn mower. Hopefully, there would be enough to get her far away from all the monsters. Once the gas ran out, there would be no refills.

  Jessica hurried inside. The food was long gone. She and Cindy had come back a few times and gathered some of it up. The rest of it she assumed the monsters had stolen. Her personal items were still back at her college dorm, or at least that was where she left them. She went through the house picking up a few pictures of her family that she hadn't already grabbed and shoved them in between pages of a book for safe keeping. She jammed the book in the stuffed backpack and left it unzipped now that the bag was too full to close.

  Remembering she hadn't picked up a can opener at the store, she headed for the kitchen. The white fridge door hung open leaving the empty shelves for display. A few oak drawers also hung open, their contents rummaged through. Jessica forced a thick swallow and set to the task of finding a can opener. Even the simple utensils threatened her with memories. No point in lingering over them. Finding a simple silver can opener, she shoved it into one of her pockets.

  She took one last look over the empty house and closed her eyes. The good memories would stay with her even if she never returned home. Besides, the house was defiled by the monsters that had killed her family and Cindy.

  Several tears slipped down her cheeks. The salty liquid was foreign and odd, moistening her cheeks. She wiped them away and stopped the flow. Tears still weren't allowed. Maybe they would be later, but for now she had to escape the monster-infested city. Jessica grabbed the keys and headed for the garage.

  Chapter 3

  Jessica slammed the car door shut and kicked the tire. Around sunrise, she'd pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. After some rest, she'd eaten and then went to start the car. Nothing.

  She supposed she should just be grateful it had gotten her this far. It was more than she expected. She had passed the Wyoming border a couple hours before she stopped. But gratitude was long lost. Such an awful time to break down. Outside, snow had just begun to descend.

  She grumbled as she watched the asphalt darken with moisture. The snow was already sticking to the dirt and she could imagine herself slipping around in it. But maybe it was a blessing. The thick cloud cover would help to keep the frigid air from nipping off her fingers and toes. Only a gentle breeze caressed the snowflakes, not the harsh wind she had heard accompanied Wyoming.

  Jessica opened the back door, pulled out the blanket she wrapped herself in last night and folded it in half. She wanted to take it with her, but the backpack would never fit an entire blanket along with all her other treasures. She wound it around her chest and placed the coat over it. Hopefully it would remain dry there. She grabbed the overloaded backpack and placed it on her shoulders. With the little food she had eaten and some readjustment, the bag just barely closed.

  A wary look down the abandoned highway revealed no other vehicles. She was tempted to stay on the road, but she didn't want to be found by one of those monsters. The whole point of this venture was to escape.

  There had been some cars on the way, mostly in and around big cities, but she had passed few since she crossed the Wyoming border. They drove recklessly and faster than her ninety mph. If one of them stopped and tried to talk to her, she wouldn't have lasted long.

  With a sigh, she crossed the road. Gravel shifted under her feet until she stepped on the hard dirt. Bare trees soon closed in around her, bitter wind howling through them. Snow collected on the ground, forming a white blanket beneath her. Her footprints left a clear trail behind her, but the snow would soon cover them.

  She was grateful the storm hadn't started while she slept. The way it was coming down she would have been trapped in the car, unable to push the doors open. There would be no one clearing the highway to find her and death would have come. At least that would be better than death by monsters. She shivered and searched for more pleasant thoughts.

  Memories of her family and Cindy drifted and danced through her like the windblown snowflakes. She tried to stay away from memories of Cindy. The wound was still too fresh. Instead, Little James appeared the most, full of life, energy, and laughter. Until the last day of his life came to mind. His loss pierced her soul the hardest. She struggled to remember something happier and settled on the last time she watched James before moving away to college.

  Jessica leaned over and planted a kiss on her tiny brother's forehead. He turned to her with his drooly smile and pointed a chubby finger at her.

  “Ca! Ca!” James squealed.

  Laughing, Jessica scooped him up in her arms and tickled his round belly. The resulting chuckles filled her heart with warmth. She tucked him in close to her and gave him a gentle squeeze. His tiny body wiggled in protest. With another quick peck on his forehead, Jessica placed him back on the beige carpet next to a pile of blocks. James' two little hands reached down and grabbed a block in each hand.

  He pound the blocks together while shouting, “Ca! Ca!”

  She grinned at him. Suddenly, the timer buzzed, sending Jessica scrambling. The familiar smell of baking cookies filled her nose. Her mouth watered. She stepped onto the cold-tiled kitchen and headed for the stove. Sunlight streamed in a large back window, filling the white room with happiness. A content sigh escaped her lips.

  Jessica grabbed two hot pads and opened the oven. Oppressive heat rolled up at her. She stood back for a second letting it pass her by and then bent down to lift the golden cookies out of the oven. Closing the oven with one hand, she placed the cookie sheet on the stove top. She inspected the cookies thoroughly.

  A smile tugged at her lips. “Finally.”

  Grabbing a spatula, Jessica moved the cookies from the pan to a cooling rack. From the living room, James' babbling turned into a semi-coherent song. Jessica's smile grew. To think she hadn't wanted a little brother.

  She eyed the cookies. Realizing her index fingernail was in between her teeth, she chastened herself and pulled it out. She paced the room, waiting for the cookies to cool. The mirror her mother had recently hung on the wall connecting with the living room caught her eye.

  Her nose wrinkled at the reflection. Her hand automatically moved up in attempt to smooth down the frizz of dark brown hair. Her brown eyes frowned back at her when the action proved futile. She stuck her tongue out
. A tug on the bottom of her jeans drew her gaze downward. James' green eyes stared back at her.

  “Ca.”

  Jessica picked him up and let him snuggle against her chest, his little body warm and comforting.“Hey, buddy. Let's get you a cookie.”

  “Koo-kie! Koo-kie!” James wiggled in her arms and clapped his hands together.

  Laughing, Jessica sauntered over to the rack of cookies. She grabbed one of the small ones she made just for James and placed it in his hands. “There you go, bud. Try not to get chocolate on my shirt.”

  She grabbed one for herself and brought it to her mouth. As she took a bite of the cookie, a glob of salt and baking soda filled her mouth, choking her. Running over to the sink, she spat it out. James broke out crying when she snatched the cookie from his hand. Shifting him to sit on her hip, she turned on the water and thrust her open mouth under it. The cool water helped to clear the awful taste.

  She stood back up and grimaced. “Sorry, James. Maybe someday I'll figure cooking out.”

  James wrapped his arms around her as far as they would go. Jessica's frown shifted into a smile.

  “Thanks, bud. You know just how to make me feel better.”

  “Ca! Ca!” James’ finger pointed back toward the living room.

  “You got it, bud. Let's go build a tower for you to knock over.”

  James snuggled closer as she grabbed the cooling rack of cookies and dumped them in the trash on her way to the living room.

  Jessica's cheeks were icy where a few tears slipped out. It felt like more wanted to come, but she automatically shut off the valve. Letting her feelings show wasn't allowed. But feeling them couldn't be helped. No matter how hard she tried to rid herself of them, they always lurked under her shield right next to memories of her family. And now Cindy.

  Cindy had the sweetest spirit. She always cheered Jessica up. The pang in her heart felt like nothing would soothe it. Why had these monsters taken her life? She had done nothing to deserve the horrid thing they had done to her. Neither had her parents or James or anyone else.