Bleak Devotion Page 5

  The struggle wasn't what she thought it was going to be. It should have been fear battling to overcome the void of feelings that she had to display around these monsters. Instead, the only thing she wanted to do was run screaming at this monster who had ruined her life. She wanted to unleash every emotion that she had been forced to hold in since the invasion at him. Grief. Torture. Outrage. Terror. All of it, she wanted him to feel. She wanted all of those feelings to coat him inside and out, no matter what it would do to him or those standing in the hall. Irrational, but she felt it nevertheless.

  The practice controlling her feelings came to her, helping to hide the reaction. She forced herself to remember why she couldn't allow herself to follow through. The others, no matter how idiotic they had been for allowing such a creature to live with them, had been kind. And they were the last humans alive. Despite how hard she worked, the feelings still stirred within her, pacing like a caged animal ready to charge its keeper and reap the reward of no longer being in prison. She sat poised, ready to pounce.

  She scrutinized him, waiting for the blades to manifest and start ripping them all to pieces. He leaned against the wall in a casual way, but his tall height and toned muscles managed to make the pose look threatening. His face was thin and well defined, like a master had arranged it. Hazel eyes drew her in with an overwhelming amount of pain buried far in their depths. She recognized the hurt she read deep in those eyes because her own feelings were the same.

  The desire to attack abated a little. She shifted from ready to pounce to a defensive position. His eyes softened. The action shocked her, making it easier than it ever had been around one of these monsters to keep a neutral expression. Her muscles relaxed, though she kept her arms folded in front of her as if they could somehow protect her. She felt the others around her ease.

  The connection deepened as their gazes remained locked. It made her shift her weight. She thought by meeting him it would somehow reinforce her opinion that he was not to be trusted and couldn't remain in the cabin. That she could relate to him in even a small way took a sizable chunk out of her argument. Those eyes kept her stare cinched while she struggled with the unexpected feelings. She wildly groped for her original wrath.

  “You want to speak with me, go ahead.” Blade's voice pierced through her but was barely above a whisper.

  “I—I just want to make sure you won't kill me.”

  “I won't.”

  Jessica peered deeper into his eyes. The fear and anger she felt before fled in its entirety. She was drawn to him. Surprising herself, she took a step forward. The group around her tensed, stepping forward as well, but Blade maintained his casual posture.

  Unable to understand why, she felt like maybe the others were right. Maybe he could be trusted. Staring into his eyes changed something inside her. She blinked. Grasping at the opportunity, she quickly dropped her gaze.

  Big mistake. Her eyes grazed over the metallic rectangles on the back of his folded arms. She went stiff and took a step back. Realizing his blunder, Blade tucked his arms behind his back, but the damage was already done.

  A boiling rage festered inside Jessica. Red flashes of her parents and Cindy swept through her. She felt the carefully placed facade slipping. Her angry shriek pierced the air, finally able to free itself around one of the monsters. The rest of her followed suit as adrenaline surged through her. Months of suppressing emotions caught up with her all in one moment. She stepped forward, ready to attack him with her bare hands or die trying.

  Someone firmly grabbed her arm before she could reach him and dragged her from the hallway. The last thing she saw was the monster's deadly arms shaking.

  Chapter Seven

  Fury trembled through Jessica's body while her new acquaintances gathered around in the kitchen. Her stomach tightened into a hard ball as she drew in shallow breaths. She felt like she was breathing through a clump of dough. The memory of the monster's metal flashed in front of her, yanking on her anger. Unable to hold still, she paced the amount of space the others had given her.

  No one said a word as she let loose. Several times she stopped at the edge of her human barricade closest to the hallway. Part of her knew the people hedging her in were nervous, but she didn't care. All she wanted to do was break free and hunt him down. Kick him out of the house at the very least. At the most…

  Jessica stopped herself. She knew she couldn't stoop to the monster’s level, no matter how desperately she wanted to. There had to be a better way to gain control of the situation. The others stared at her with mixed expressions. Deborah's forehead and eyes tightened slightly, deep in thought. On one side of her Julie was expressionless, but on the other side Ben wore a faint smirk. She was surprised he hadn't let her slip by him in pursuit of the monster.

  Zach stepped toward her, his eyebrows raised and forehead wrinkled. Concern oozed out of him. “I told you this was a bad idea.”

  “Well, it was Blade's choice and I think it went well,” Deborah retorted. “He controlled himself, like he always does. She was doing fine before the slip up. I believe she did a lot better than the rest of you did when you first met Blade.”

  Ben snorted, but said nothing. Zach shifted his weight for a moment and then relaxed a little. “Deborah's right. You really didn't do too bad. At least until the end.”

  Jessica scowled at him.

  “Mmmhmmm. Blade knew what he was doing. Would have gone better if he'd kept his arms out of sight,” Deborah muttered.

  “I don't get it,” Jessica forced out. “How can you put up with this monster living with you? You discuss it so normally. These things killed my family and my friend right in front of my face! You all are talking about it like it's something I'm going to just get over and forget. Stuff like that you don't get over. You never forget!”

  Deborah nodded and responded in a quiet tone. “We've all been there. My daughter was your age and so full of life. You remind me of her. She was killed first as I looked on, unable to do anything about it. My husband and I were married twenty-seven years. Twenty-seven. He died in my arms, a painful death. I thought I could fix his wounds, but nothing worked. He screamed and screamed and screamed.”

  Deborah closed her eyes, hiding the tears shining within them. The hand that was propped up on the counter beside her clenched into a fist. “I truly do feel your pain. The aliens that took my husband's and child's lives are the worst creatures I have ever met. I pray every day that they get their penance.”

  No one said a word. Jessica had closely controlled the emotions in her world since the nightmare began. This continued assault on her senses was almost more than she could bear. She staggered against the wall behind her, gasping for breath. Zach reached over and held her arm, supporting her.

  “Most here have stories like mine,” Deborah continued, the venom gone from her voice. “We do feel your pain, Jessica. The thing is, Blade does too. He's not like the rest. If you choose to stay, and I hope you do, you will have to learn to get along with him like the rest of us have. When you do, you will see what the rest of us see.”

  Deborah looked intensely into Jessica's eyes for a moment and then turned toward Julie. “Best get on with your chores. The day's a-wasting.”

  Julie smiled at her, but it looked tight and forced. “I'll take off then.”

  “I'll be in the barn if you need me.”

  Jessica kept her gaze down as Deborah left the room. The woman had somehow managed to make Jessica feel bad about the situation. It wasn't fair. She wasn't the one running around killing people. Whether it was fair or not, guilt pricked at her for losing control like that. They could have all lost their lives. Her throat felt thick and uncomfortable. She forced a swallow, trying to get rid of the sensation. It didn't help.

  “Are you okay?” Zach whispered.

  Jessica closed her eyes for a moment and nodded. “I'm fine.”

  Ben snorted. “Welcome to the cabin, kid.” He turned around and left the room.

  Julie bent
over and pulled a giant pan out of the cupboard and began singing softly to herself. Jessica felt like the alien. Though she was human, she was the outcast that didn't understand. To have someone close by banging around pots and pans like the invasion never happened made the sharp feeling more acute. Zach hovered over her, scuffing his foot lightly against the tile.

  Steeling herself, Jessica attempted to thrust her anger aside to be dealt with later. It was directed at one person in the cabin, and the monster wasn't in the room, Julie and Zach were. They didn't deserve her wrath, even she didn't understand their keeping a pet monster. Months of training concealed the anger within her like a tightly wrapped birthday present. The only problem was the gift inside jumped around, threatening to break through the wrapping paper.

  Turning toward Julie, she asked in the most civil tone she could muster, “What do you need me to do?”

  Julie beamed at her with a genuine smile that sent a forgotten warmth through Jessica. “Do you have much experience cooking?”

  “Yes, but only in ruining food.”

  “Why don't you wash the potatoes then? They'll be an easy one for you to start on. You'd better get used to them anyway, we eat a lot of them around here. It's best if you like them.”

  “I do.” Jessica walked over to the sink.

  Zach chuckled and went to the counter to work next to Julie. “I hate them. This has only made me hate them more, but it's better than scavenging for food.”

  Jessica shivered. “Did you have to do that, too?”

  “Most of us have,” Julie answered. “I'm the newest one here besides you. I got here about, what, Zach, three weeks ago?”

  “Yeah, that's right.”

  “I still have difficulties keeping track of time. It's so easy to lose track when you are running.”

  Jessica stiffened, remembering all the time she had stayed hiding. “Yeah. I never could keep track of it.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “How long has it been since they attacked?”

  “We figure about nine months.” Zach's voice was heavy with weariness. “Nine long months.”

  Jessica set a scrubbed potato next to her and picked up a dirty one. She scrubbed for a minute, focusing on cleansing it. Her mind reveled in working at a task that kept it occupied. One that kept feelings at bay. When the potato was clean, she held it in her hands, mindlessly staring at it. “I don't know what to think about that. It seems like it should be longer in some ways and shorter in others.”

  “The running does that to you,” Julie replied. “I never got used to it. I was so grateful when I ran into Blade. Well, not grateful at first. I mean, I ran into one of the aliens that was running around killing everyone. I thought I was a goner.”

  Jessica remembered Deborah's hesitance at telling her how everyone had found the cabin and realized why. She wished the woman would have told her they kept a monster last night instead of letting her sleep, unaware of the danger. She focused back on Julie, ready to glean any information that would help her get the monster out of the cabin. “What did you do?”

  “Scared me so bad I fainted. Imagine my surprise when I wake up and the creature is driving me somewhere. I was certain he was going to take me somewhere to run tests on me. I screamed and screamed. He just kept driving like I wasn't even there.”

  “What?” Jessica dropped her potato. “He didn't… change?”

  “Nope. He brought me to Deborah and she explained things to me. Since then I haven't had a problem with him. I'd trust him with my life.”

  “After only three weeks?”

  “Yup. Though I do try to keep more calm around him now. He told me later there were several times he almost lost it on the drive here. How would that have been?” Julie laughed mirthlessly. “To have the one alien that wants to help us end up killing me because of my own stupidity.”

  “You weren't stupid,” Jessica disagreed. “I would have done the same thing. The running gets to you, but the thought of being tested creeps me out even more.” She shuddered.

  Zach reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. Jessica glanced up at him. He gave her a friendly grin, bringing comfort. She smiled back, enjoying the tightening of her lips and cheeks. With a wink, he turned his attention back to his task.

  She stared at him for a moment and then focused back on her work. Having human interactions again was strange. Even though she had been with Cindy almost constantly since the raid, they had been so scared and always on the run that they had lost some of their empathy. Or maybe it was just that they were so scared a monster would show up any second that they began concealing emotions even from each other. She barely remembered what empathy was.

  “Can I ask another question?” Jessica kept her gaze focused on her potato.

  “Shoot,” Zach replied.

  “I was just wondering, since you guys talk to one of the monsters and all, do you know why they are killing us off?”

  “Not monsters, aliens.” Julie's voice was crisp. “Blade especially is not a monster. I'd prefer it if you wouldn't call him that around me.”

  Jessica flexed her jaw, not wanting to give the animal a name, but still wanting to get an answer. She sucked in a deep breath and attempted to reply calmly. “Has Blade told you why they attacked us?”

  “Yes, he has.” Zach's tone was softer than Julie's had been. “Are you sure you are ready to hear it though?”

  Jessica heard a snap and whirled around to see Julie whipping a towel at Zach. He rolled his eyes and grabbed it out of her hand. Julie playfully slapped his arm and then grinned at Jessica. “If she wasn't ready, she wouldn't ask.”

  “Right,” Jessica agreed, enjoying their banter.

  Zach snorted. “Okay. Okay. When the aliens found our planet, they saw us infesting it. Blade said that they don't see us as intelligent beings. He told us that it's like the way we treat termites or ants or whatever. They are all over the place, building and taking food. He told us to imagine them as big as we are and as hungry as we are.”

  Jessica grimaced. “Gross.”

  “Agreed.” Julie chimed in.

  “Well, that's how they see us,” Zach continued. “They needed a place to live and we were taking up all the supplies.”

  Jessica set the last potato on the counter and turned around. “Why didn't we get a warning? I mean, shouldn't we have heard something before it all happened?”

  Zach shook his head. “They hit us before we even knew they were here. Who knows how many humans are even left. We don't know if the government even had a chance to do anything.”

  The air hung heavy with that depressing thought. Jessica refused to let it take over entirely though. After all, she had been alone before, and here she stood enjoying the company of others. Julie and Zach brought back memories of happier times. She couldn't help but be happy about finding them. Now she only needed to do something about their pet monster.

  Chapter Eight

  A few days later, Jessica eyed the one-legged milking stool. “You want me to sit on that while under a cow?”

  Kimberly honed her wide smile on Jessica. “Yeah. I know it looks different, but you'll get used to her. And you won't really be under Betsy.”

  Jessica shuffled closer to the cow and Kimberly, who was holding the milking stool. Kimberly's green eyes shone with encouragement, but not enough to make Jessica reach out and grab the stool.

  “You can do this, Jessica.” Zach had stopped mucking out a nearby stall to watch.

  She tried to smile at him, but it came out more like a grimace. She wiped her clean hands on her jeans and reached out to take the stool. She pushed back against Kimberly's hand as the woman eased her closer to the cow.

  “Ease up, darling,” Kimberly said. “I'm right here. I won't let little ol' Betsy hurt ya. Go right on ahead and talk to her if you like. It helps.”

  Jessica fought the urge to roll her eyes. This cow was anything but little. “Nice to meet you, Betsy. I'm just going to sneak in here and get a little milk from you.”<
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  Zach snickered, earning a frown from Jessica.

  “That's right,” Kimberly prodded, ignoring Zach. “But ya don't have to sound so afraid. Now, place your stool right here next to the cow and have a seat.”

  Letting out a puff of air, Jessica placed the chair where Kimberly had pointed and sat down before she could change her mind. The black hair with splotches of white next to her face was too close for comfort. Gathering chicken eggs had been a much better chore.

  Bending down, Kimberly patted and nudged Betsy's udder. “Gotta loosen her up a bit. Let her body know she needs to let down that milk.”

  Jessica groaned. “I'm so glad I'm not a cow.”

  “Me, too.” Kimberly chuckled. “Now, hold out both your hands with your fingers together and your thumb out. That's right, just like that. Take your hand and with your thumb and index finger clamp down on the teat just below the udder.”

  Jessica closed her eyes and wrinkled her nose. Opening her eyes, she took a deep breath, trying to ignore the pungent smell, and reached her hands forward. Before she touched the cow, a big pile of dung splatted on the ground a few feet from her.

  “Ewww.”

  From somewhere close by, Zach snickered. She wished she could see him so she could stick her tongue out at him.

  “Don't worry 'bout that, Darlin'. That's what Zach's here for.”

  Jessica chortled. That was better than any glare she could have mustered. She brought her hands back up to the cow and clamped her thumb and forefinger around the top of the teat.

  “Good. That'll keep the milk from goin' back up into the udder. Now, don't yank or pull on her. Got to treat her real gentle like. Give her a nice good squeeze aiming for the bucket.”

  Holding her breath, Jessica squeezed her hand together. A thin stream of milk sprayed into the bucket. A giggle escaped her lips. She clamped her mouth shut to stop more, even though she wanted to keep going. It felt good.

  “See. You're a natural. Go ahead and keep at it, alternating sides.”