Bleak Devotion Read online

  As Jessica continued squeezing, the milk squirted out with more force. The sound of Zach's shovel scraping picked back up. Kimberly continued murmuring words of encouragement and pieces of advice. Soon Jessica's hands and forearms ached. She kept at it, ignoring the burning in her forearms and hands. She hoped it would be over soon.

  “That's good,” Kimberly said. “I'll finish up. You did a good job for your first time.”

  “Thanks.” Jessica stood up and the cow stool fell over. “Oops! Sorry.”

  “It's easy to forget when you aren't used to it.” Kimberly picked up the bucket full of milk and handed it to Jessica. “Take this to the kitchen then go on and get cleaned up. Find a snack or something. I'll let you off the hook the rest of the day.”

  Jessica bounced on her heels. “Thanks.”

  Zach cleared his throat.

  “Oh, all right.” Kimberly fluttered her hand. “You've done a good job, too. Get on with yah.”

  Zach leaned his shovel against the wall and walked over to them. “Thanks, Kimberly. You're a doll.”

  “And don't yah forget it.”

  Jessica giggled. Turning her back to them, Kimberly picked up the milking stool and sat down to finish the job. Zach extended his arm toward the exit. “After you.”

  She headed out of the small shack with the milk bucket in tow. The cold air nipped at her face as she crossed through the path to the garage. Some long boards and tarps were propped up to help keep the path sheltered during the winter, but it was still chilly. The wind howled, rustling the tarps, as it tried to make it to their exposed skin.

  Opening the garage door, she scuttled inside with Zach close behind her. The temperature rose until it was slightly more comfortable. Before she found a flashlight, Zach closed the door, plunging them into darkness. A titter burst from her mouth as she blindly groped for the flashlight.

  “Sorry. You want me to open it back up?”

  “No. It's freezing out there. I think I can find it.”

  “Let me help.”

  His sneakers padded on the cement floor as he shuffled closer. His body heat radiated across her back, warming her further. The close contact unnerved her. She tried to control her feelings, but struggled. It was harder with feelings she wasn't used to. Her hand stumbled over an object, sending it crashing to the ground. She mumbled an apology, hoping the object wasn't broken.

  “Don't worry. If it's something important, we'll tell everyone I did it.”

  She snickered, easing the jitters. Her hand bumped against another object, but this one she caught before it could fall. She examined it looking for something that would tell her if it was the flashlight. Cold fingers brushed against her.

  “Sorry,” Zach breathed, but didn't move his hand. “Looks like you might have found it.”

  “I think so.”

  His fingers slid across hers until only his palm rested on the back of her hand. The only thought fluttering through her mind was the fact that her hands had just been all over a cow. She cringed and pulled away. She wondered if he would be grossed out too if he remembered. She hoped not. There was a rustle of movement, then the familiar sound of the flashlight winding up.

  “Oh, good,” she said. “That was it.”

  “Yep. We found it.”

  She wondered why he sounded almost disappointed as the winding slowed. The light cast eerie shadows through garage. A truck sat in the middle of the garage surrounded by shelves, extras of everything placed in an orderly fashion on them. Neat little rows of batteries, tires, filled gas cans.

  Jessica hated them. Each arrangement was like a slash across her skin. It reminded her of something her mother would do, having everything so organized you could find what you were looking for at a glance. Guided by the bouncing light Zach carried, she scampered for the door.

  “You all right, Jessica?”

  Jessica swallowed. She always kept her feelings in, but maybe she shouldn't. Maybe it was time to let someone else in. Zach watched her, his eyes soft and open. Her heart responded, as did her tear ducts. She faced the door so he couldn't see the tears forming and turned the handle of the door leading into the house before speaking.

  “Not really. I—” The door swung open to reveal the alien monster standing before her. Her words caught in her throat like a jagged chip.

  “Zach.” Blade tilted his head in salutation, staring only at her. “Jessica.”

  She glanced down, anger flushing her cheeks. The tears she had been trying to hold in spilled out, making tiny streams of coolness on her skin. Looking through her lashes, she tried to find an escape, but the monster blocked the way. She wouldn't be able to get past him without touching him. A tremble racked her body as she thought about his skin brushing against hers.

  From behind, Zach put a hand on her shoulder. “What's up, Blade?”

  “Deborah sent me to get the milk. She needs it for her meal preparation.”

  “Jessica has half of it. Kimberly is still working on the other half.”

  “That should be fine.”

  No one moved. Jessica's fingers felt like they were a part of the handle of the bucket. There was no way she was getting close enough to the monster to hand it over, but it didn't move out of her way either. Talking to it would set a bad precedent. She hadn't spoken a word to it since they had met. There was no point, unless the conversation could somehow lead to the monster being dismissed from the cabin. So, they stood there with Jessica's arm going tired from her load. She switched hands wondering why Zach didn't say anything. She glared back at him.

  “Uh,” Zach said, “I guess Jessica will take the bucket to the kitchen for you.”

  “I can carry it for you, Jess,” the monster said.

  She glowered at it. Every angry, hateful thought she felt shot out of her, diving straight for him. She didn't care if the emotion made it turn into the monster he truly was. Shortening her name like they were intimately acquainted had crossed a line. Hearing an endearing name on its lips turned any softening of her heart back to stone. It clunked in her chest, rapidly beating despite the heaviness.

  She couldn't stand being around it another moment. No longer caring if she had to brush up against it or not, she plowed forward. In her haste, the bucket caught against the door frame. She yanked to the side losing her balance, milk splashing, and ended up with the monster's arms around her. A jolt zipped through her.

  Her head tilted back against his forearm giving her a clear view of his hazel eyes. Her heart squeezed tight in her chest. With a laborious blink, her mind cleared. She twisted to the side, falling with a thump on the wooden floor between his feet. The rest of the milk spilled on the floor beside her, wetting her jeans.

  Her cheek throbbed. Heat flared in her face as the liquid soaked deeper into her jeans. Footsteps raced toward them. Jessica silently cursed; her humiliation was going to have more than just Zach and the monster to witness it. She started to pulled herself off the floor, but then stopped. Let them see, she thought, let them see me lying prone beneath him and still say it's safe to be around him.

  Sneakered feet came into view down the hall, stopping mid-stride. The foot hung in the air for a moment, then dropped to the floor. Two more pairs joined the first. Jessica forced out a groan, which wasn't hard. She really hurt. She just had to make herself be willing to let out the sign of her emotion around the monster. The anger had been easy to let out, but showing her pain was much more difficult. Others could do it, why not her? She could drive this small act out, he would show at least a hint of his true nature, and they could kick him out of the cabin.

  Time seemed to drag. Jessica felt ridiculous lying on the floor with only minor bruises. She pulled herself up to her hands and knees, still gripping the bucket. A hand reached down to help her. She looked up to see the monster was its owner and swatted it away. Let it provoke him into changing.

  Putting a leg under her, she began to stand. Suddenly, her foot slipped out from under her. The monster in front o
f her tensed as she fell as if to catch her, but stopped, letting her plummet to the ground a second time. Another groan escaped her lips, not needing to force it this time.

  “Jessica,” Zach sounded frantic somewhere behind her, “are you okay?”

  She dragged herself up into a sitting position with Zach's hands on her arms. “I'm fine.”

  Snapping her milk-soaked head up at a burst of laughter, she scowled at Deborah, Erin, and the older woman whose name she couldn't remember. The two adults laughed uncontrollably, grasping their sides, but sweet Erin looked on with worry gleaming in her dark eyes. Bless the younger girl.

  Zach continued buzzing worries in her ear. Her face throbbed. She leaned her head back against the wall, glaring up at the monster. He looked back at her with a predictably expressionless face. At least he had the sense to back up, though he would be smarter to leave the hall.

  Warm milk dripped from her battered body as the laughter died down. Hoping every ounce of outrage she had was pouring out of her eyes, she kept her glare on Blade.

  “Alright, Jessica,” Deborah said from down the hall, “sorry we laughed. It was just too funny to resist and we could all use a reason to laugh these days.”

  Without turning to look at the women in the hall, Jessica spoke through her teeth. “It's fine.” Barely aware of Zach helping, she stood. “If you'll excuse me, I need to go take a shower and rid myself of this monster's filth.”

  Something changed on the monster's face then so briefly Jessica almost missed it. A pang of guilt resonated through her; he had only been trying to help, after all. Staring up into those eyes… No, this whole fiasco wouldn't have happened if he had left the cabin.

  Jessica thrust the bucket toward Zach. Not bothering to stop and see if he got a hold of it, she marched down the hallway toward the bathroom. Deborah placed a hand on her arm as she passed stopping her. “Are you truly alright, hon?”

  “I'm fine. Just a little bruised.” Jessica held up a hand to stop Deborah's next words. “And I don't fault the two of you for laughing. You're right, we all need a reason to laugh around her. Next time I just hope the humor comes from another source.” She looked pointedly back at the monster who stared back with his impassive face.

  “I'll grab some towels to clean up this mess,” Erin said.

  Jessica turned toward the teenager and couldn't help but smile. The girl gave a shy smile in return and left through the kitchen's entrance. Jessica's smile faded as the girl left. What a disaster. And it didn't look like she was any closer to getting rid of the monster. With all her groans and the laughter, the incident probably reinforced the others’ thought that this monster was safe. Were they right? She walked down the hall, feeling the monster's eyes boring into her.

  Chapter Nine

  Jessica sniffed in quickly and then sneezed.

  “Bless you,” Julie said.

  “Thanks.”

  Holding her hand as far from her nose as possible, Jessica held her breath while she finished dusting the corner. When the spot was free from dust, she gasped for air. This time her nose only tickled a little. She stood up and Julie helped her move the chair back into its spot next to the fireplace. Jessica headed for the cleaning bucket, but Julie didn't follow.

  Jessica peeked up at the girl. Unshed tears shone in her eyes. A squeamish feeling struck Jessica. It had been too long since she had dealt with any tears except for her own. She tried to pry open her memories from before the attack, but nothing came to her. Looking at the dirty rag in her hand, she pondered what to do.

  “Oh”—Julie's voice cracked—“forgive me. I'm so unstable these days.”

  “It's alright.”

  Julie sniffed.

  “Um, did you want to talk about it?”

  “Are you sure you don't mind?”

  Though she really did mind, Jessica found herself shaking her head. “If it makes you feel better, go ahead.”

  “It's just that this”—Julie's hand swept around the room and toward the stash of cleaning supplies—“reminds me of how it used to be. You know, when life was normal.”

  Jessica swallowed. When no words came to her, she nodded, hoping it would be sufficient.

  “Do the memories ever overwhelm you?”

  The hollow place in Jessica’s chest suddenly turned to a leaden, pain-filled mass. Her words came out so quietly, she didn't know if Julie would be able to hear her. “Rarely. When they do, I usually see their deaths.”

  Julie quietly gasped. She reached over and rubbed Jessica's arm. “Oh, Jessica.”

  Jessica shrugged and turned toward the bucket of supplies. She knelt down, meaning to grab them and head into the front room, but she didn't move. Little James and cookies came to mind. She absently ran her fingers over the rim of the bucket.

  “I do remember some. My baby brother. His chubby little legs racing for me. But then anything good is overwhelmed by his slaughter.”

  “You saw it happen?”

  Jessica nodded, unable to make the words form. Instantly, Julie's arms tightened around her. “I'm so sorry, Jessica.”

  “Yeah, well, that's life nowadays.” Jessica cleared her throat. “Didn't you ever, you know, see them killing?”

  “Yes, but never anyone I knew.”

  “Were you close to your family?”

  Julie leaned back with a sigh. “Not as close as I would have liked. I put a lot of distance between them when I went to college. Once I graduated and found a job, I bought a house. It was empty without roommates around and it was then I realized I missed my parents. I invited them to stay a couple days at my house so we could get reacquainted.”

  “Did you get to see them before the invasion?”

  “No.” Julie's lip quavered. “They were on their way to my house when my neighborhood was first attacked. I hadn't a clue what was going on and hid. After watching them for a while, I saw some females. I almost went to them because they looked human, but then I saw who they were with the males. It was then I realized the females were completely flat. Then a girl in the middle of the group tripped and fell on a rock. She cried out in pain. The other females scattered faster than I thought possible and the males—Well, I'm sure you can guess what happened.

  “I didn't know for a fact then they had to see emotion to kill, but I had a vague idea. Mostly, I knew if they found me they would kill me, too. There was a spot close by my house where I hid, waiting for them to get beaten back. I kept thinking the army would show up any minute and the whole thing would just go away. I planned on still having that time with my family. Sometimes I still expect to see them, but I know they couldn't have survived. I was lucky to survive.”

  “We all were.”

  “We still are.” Julie stood, grabbing the bucket of supplies as she did so. “Let's put our good luck to use and get this finished up.”

  Jessica followed her through the hall toward the front room.

  “Hey, girls.” Zach sidled up next to Jessica as they turned into the entryway.

  “Hi, Zach.” Julie beamed.

  Jessica lowered her eyes. “Hi.”

  “Whatcha girls up to?”

  “Just cleaning,” Julie replied. “Deborah put me in charge of the front room and Jessica in charge of the living room. We thought that it would be more fun if we did it together.”

  They turned into the living room. Jessica and Julie each grabbed a rag out of the bucket. While they set to work cleaning the room, Zach lounged on the couch.

  “You missed a spot, Jessica.”

  Jessica rolled her eyes. She knelt down behind a chair in the corner to dust off the baseboard.

  “Would you like some help, Julie?” The monster's voice came from somewhere on the other side of the chair.

  Jessica hunkered down, waiting for Julie to tell it they had everything under control and for the monster to leave.

  “Thanks, Blade. That'd be awesome. Jessica is working on dusting and I'm almost finished with the windows. Do you mind vacuuming
?”

  Jessica silently cursed her roommate in the pause that followed. When the monster spoke, it sounded hesitant. “Are you sure I won't be bothering you?”

  “Oh, please. We left the vacuum in the living room.”

  Jessica waited until the monster's footsteps could no longer be heard and then flew out at Julie. “What are you thinking? I don't want to work with that mo—”

  “I have asked you very nicely not to call him that. In any case, you should be happy that we'll be done sooner.”

  “I would rather clean the entire cabin by myself. Now I'm going to be looking over my shoulder the whole time, ready for it to attack me.”

  “Chill,” Zach said. “Nothing's going to happen. And if by some strange chance it does, I'm here.”

  Jessica turned an icy glare on him. He sat up and reached for her hand with a grin on his face. “Really, Jessica. Don't worry about Blade. He’s harmless. Remember when you were in pain in front of him and nothing happened?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “But nothing,” Julie interrupted. “You need to get used to him being around anyway.”

  The sound of the vacuum rolling across the hard wood floor stopped Jessica's protest. She clenched her jaw and glowered at the monster as it rolled the vacuum on the carpet. It kept its eyes down.

  A low growl escaped Jessica's throat. Zach squeezed her hand, but she didn't look at him. She kept her eyes focused on the monster. It slowly raised its head until their gazes met. Her defenses gave way. Her jaw relaxed, breathing deepening.

  She searched for her anger in the fog of confusion clouding her mind. Something tugged on her arm. She wiggled her arm, trying to get whatever it was to stop while she kept watching the monster. The thing yanked harder on her arm. She glanced down to see Zach staring up at her with a worried expression.

  “You okay?” he whispered.

  Jessica looked back up at the monster, who was untangling the cord, eyes focused on the task. She nodded.

  “Don't worry about him. He's really a good guy once you give him a chance.”